Like gravity it really brings you down

What does one do when they are unable to carry the weight but to carry nothing feels too heavy?

In August 2022, I made the very difficult decision to quit my job because it no longer served me. I was allowed to leave immediately, and the moment I stepped out (literally and metaphorically) into the world, I felt an overwhelming surge, and several tears made their journey to the ground, only to be swept by the wipe of my hands. The job became too much for me to carry, so I chose to let it go. In the moment, you would have thought I would have felt the weight lift off my shoulders. However, in the process of letting go, I was left with the weight of my own emptiness. So much is required of us, and we give so much of ourselves away that when it’s all said and done, there is nothing left of us. At the time, that job gave me a sense of purpose and direction, and it took up a lot of space. So, without it, I felt empty, which was extremely taxing. And I remained unemployed for eight months. The emptier I felt, the heavier I felt, so the more I let go in order to shed weight, which led me down a self-destructive path. I eventually shaved my head, and a hiatus soon followed. I stopped writing and performing. I stopped doing and being. I just was.

It’s a strange and frustrating feeling, to feel weighed down by nothing at all. But perhaps this is an opportunity to take a step back and reassess what truly matters to you. Maybe we need to fill ourselves up with something new or reprioritise the things we already have. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one worth taking. Sometimes, the emptiness can be a reminder of what we truly value and a guide to help us find our way back to ourselves. When you reach a point of emptiness, it’s as if you’re starting over. You may question everything, from your friends to your aspirations. Things you used to do may no longer spark interest. Many of us feel like we’re continually figuring things out and starting over and over again. But I once read that we never truly start over from the beginning; we start over with experience. In reality, an empty glass is an opportunity. It’s an opportunity to ask ourselves what worked the first time and discard everything else that did not. Or, what did I introduce into my life that did not align with everything else? I hope that as adults, we no longer do this… but I know that when we all went to Nando’s growing up and we had a refillable glass, we mixed all the soft drinks together because it was fun, interesting, and we wanted to try all the flavours. Maybe the second time we went to refill our drink, instead of four flavours, we mixed three. And the next time, we mixed two, and then one, or maybe a different combination of flavours. Our lives are the same. We grow up trying everything because we have just the one glass. But as we age, we realise through experience that actually, this career is not for me, or I really like this and I really dislike that. An empty glass is indeed an opportunity. Instead of allowing yourself to be weighed down by that feeling, fill yourself up once more with what you truly want and give those things a certain amount of space, or all of it. It is an opportunity for you to reprioritise things and to fully let go of things you no longer want or need.

But before we all go and fill our emptiness, we first need to understand it for ourselves. In the same breath, I realised that it was not the feeling of emptiness that weighed me down, but the process of emptying itself – a process we all understand to be called change. I first heard the adage “the more things change, the more they stay the same” in 2019 from the song “Easy” sung by Mac Ayres, performed by a former friend. Since then, I have heard the adage a number of times but never understood what it meant. It’s a baffling phrase. How can things change yet remain the same? During the summer of 2022, its meaning revealed itself to me. Everything around me was changing; I was jobless, hairless, gained weight, and had welcomed several new people into my life, etc. It all happened so fast, and I could not keep up. Despite all the changes, there were fundamental things that remained exactly the same, and in remaining the same, these constants had an even more secure position in my life. So, even though things changed, I knew that some things stayed the same, thus the phrase “the more things change, the more they stay the same.” A few constants in my life are God, love, my friends, sports, creativity. Even though on a few occasions I felt like I had fallen out of love with writing/poetry/music, the world continues to find a way to remind me that we are locked in for life. You need to identify the things in your life that do not change, despite everything, and hold on to them. Admittedly, I did the opposite and I let them go, or so I thought. The very premise of “the more things change, the more they stay the same” is that even if you let go of the things that stay the same, they don’t let go of you. Sometimes it’s the very things that make our glass half full that we let go of because we become used to running on a glass half empty.

If you suffer from the weight of feeling empty, you may need to question all your current or previous goals and aspirations. You may even need to question people and what value they hold in your life. What are you carrying that gives you a false sense of purpose or security that you need to let go of? What do you need more of, or need to fill or refill yourself with? Maybe the talents you have are not being used effectively, whether that is to achieve an important goal or simply to put joy in your heart. Speak to your inner child. What makes him or her smile? However empty you may feel, do not lose sight of your end goal. We were all mixologists at Nando’s, so maybe you need to try a few more combinations before you get it right.

Takes a sip, ‘Aaaah’ 🙂

Sir Jvmes – The Night I Lost My Birthright