They say don’t look back, but sometimes it’s important to see how far you’ve come.
My friends now call me an author, but I just say I have recently published a book. You can find The Long Way Home by Sir Jvmes on Amazon (click on the link). I finished writing my anthology on October 1, 2022, and the publication process, which was supposed to take a month, actually took 600 days. On May 22, 2024, I finally received news of its publication. After almost a year and eight months, the novelty had worn off for me. When I eventually held my book for the first time and flicked through it, remembering what I had written, the first thing that came to mind was that I am not the same person who wrote this book almost two years ago. Even the author’s biography saying I live in East London is outdated, as I have moved “overseas”. People I had mentioned in my book who I once held dear, I now have no regard for, and relationships have drastically changed. The book initially made me sad as it represented everything that once was. I regretted speaking highly of individuals and immortalising their being. But I reminded myself that back when I wrote this book, that was my truth, that was who I was, and that was how I felt. The book expressed several emotions I did not understand at the time, emotions I was working through. Now, it symbolises how far I have come.
Often, people talk about the importance of always moving forward, saying there is nothing in the past. While I agree that we should not dwell on the past since it prevents us from growing, it is crucial to understand why. And when I say dwell, I mean becoming trapped in a cycle of stagnation. The old English word for dwell is dwellan, which means to “lead astray, hinder, delay, tarry, or remain in a place.” When people look into their past, they often revisit their traumas or, as Dante in Inferno would say, ‘recall happiness in times of misery’. In other words, we dwell in the extreme of the bad times or the extreme of the good times. The issue with dwelling in these places is that we make current decisions as if we were still our past selves. We base our decisions on past experiences. We become stuck. We might compare our current relationships to past ones, preventing us from allowing the potential of new relationships to move us forward. If something takes you back to a childhood trauma and you cannot escape, you inadvertently get stuck there. You will make decisions and respond to situations as if you were still that traumatised child from many years ago.
Though we must not dwell, it is important to briefly revisit the past. Einstein was correct when he said, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.” But every now and then, you need to get off your bike and remember why you got on it in the first place. The journey may not be the destination, but we are often so busy cycling that we do not see how far we have travelled. Look back on the situation or environment you have started or saved yourself from, and remind yourself where you are going. Use this as an opportunity to change your wheels. Maybe the terrain you were once travelling on was rough and required thick tires, but now the terrain is smoother, and thinner tires will do just fine. Praise yourself for getting out of that situation and let go of the extra weight. Secondly, use this as an opportunity to adjust your course. Most of us spend the majority of our adult lives seeking the joy we had in our younger years. I am no exception, but I am fortunate to realise this earlier than most. Since graduating, I had gone down a particular career path that brought me little satiation, and with the state of our current economy, I saw no way out. I reluctantly got off my bike and reassessed. I had to remember the things I was passionate about in my former years and plan a new career route that would give me the fulfilment I desperately desired. Now, I am very excited to begin this new journey, and that would never have happened if I had not gotten off my bike and looked back. Finally, use this as an opportunity to take a break. Trust me, you need it. During this time, reflect on the past. Remember the things that brought you joy and the things that brought you pain, and use both to motivate you. Recall the things you tolerated and tell yourself you will never tolerate them again. Remember why you got on the bike in the first place.
Recently, I reflected on some of my relationships with my friends. Sometimes, especially with older friendships, you get used to someone’s presence and take it for granted, becoming less intentional with your friendship. I admit I took one or two for granted and felt that one or two were being taken for granted. Since then, apologies have been made, conversations had, and relationships rectified and strengthened. I needed to reflect to see what we had before, what is now missing, and what has changed.
Life is not one long journey, but a series of journeys of different lengths, some of which are taken simultaneously, each with its own unique challenges and rewards. As we navigate through these various stages, it is essential to periodically pause, reflect, and appreciate the path we have traveled. And when the journey gets tough, to remember where we are going and to remember our why. Only then can we truly understand and cherish the growth and experiences that shape who we are today.
