Can someone tell Eros we need an arrow over here!
Shoot your shot they said…
The night was jumping. People were swaying from left to right as the music entered their bloodstream. Everyone was wearing their newest trainers and most expensive perfume. I was rocking my freshly shaved head and felt like the bomb.com. A figure walked by. Dark, cashmere, and gorgeous. WOW. That man was too fine. I began salivating. I blinked twice. My friend thought I needed help, but I was simply ensuring that I was seeing clearly. I had to gather myself and act as if I’d been here before. I approached him and struck up a conversation. He was talking because his lips moved but I couldn’t tell you what he was saying. Short story made even shorter, we exchanged phone numbers. We texted for a little while, and at this point I figured why waste any more time. I had concluded that the man was single and shot my shot. Prior to this, days had passed and I had debated whether I wanted to or not. I had sworn that the previous time I shot (successfully) would be my last. Like every other girl, I wanted to feel wanted, and because I am usually the shooter, it is a very rare feeling that I get to experience. After an intense gym session, whilst cycling home a bird shat on me and I thought – today’s my lucky day. My friend double-checked the message before I sent it. I complimented him and asked him out on a date. According to legend, I am still on delivered…
I understand how difficult it is to express your feelings and intentions to a potential love interest, and nothing hurts more than rejection. But in the process, I’ve learned a lot about love. To begin with, love, and everything that follows, is a choice. The common belief that love is a feeling does not explain why people can have deep feelings for individuals or for each other but never take that step. The answer is that they simply choose not to. Or why someone loves you but their actions don’t reflect it. They simply do not choose to act in a loving manner. If we look at one of the earliest examples of love, the Bible tells us in John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…”, we can see that God chooses to sacrifice his only son because he loves us. He chooses to love us every day, even though we may feel unworthy of his love at times. If you ever shoot your shot and miss, be glad! It means you aren’t that person’s choice, and I’d rather have someone genuinely choose me than have my ego intact. When you score, they may eventually show you that they never chose you in the first place, but rather what you could offer and what they could gain. God gains nothing from loving us, but still loves us. What could you possibly give God that he doesn’t already have? Someone who recognises they are not better off loving you but still chooses to love you embodies love in its quintessential form.
I have a friend (I’m grateful to say have rather than had) who, when we first met, I thought to myself, ‘Ooo,’ I could like him. I say could because I decided in the same breath not to, and we’ve had a very loving and platonic friendship since then. My conclusion was he would never choose to feel that way about me. Those potential feelings didn’t exist as far as I or anyone else was concerned. However, I felt like I had betrayed myself by dismissing and never exploring them, and it was not like me to not take my shot. I spontaneously decided to address them five years later in order to completely forget them. You can imagine it was a long and difficult conversation. The cinema in me couldn’t help but feel like our friendship and dynamic were on the line based on other people’s past experiences from those who have been in similar situations. At first, he thought it was April Fools (it was December of two thousand and something…), but his expression gradually changed as he realised I was serious. It was an interesting conversation to have because I wasn’t shooting my shot, but rather recounting a shot I never took in the past that lingered in the deep crevices of my mind. In fact, if he had said the feeling was reciprocated, I would have been completely surprised because I went into that conversation knowing exactly how it should and would end. Many might ask, then, why bother risking everything for something you’ve overlooked and could continue to overlook?
That brings me to the second thing I’ve discovered about love. Allow people to make their own choices; never make it for them. I had made that decision for him all those years ago, and while everything worked out in the end, it was not my choice to make. When a group of friends goes out to eat, everyone orders for themselves (unless, like me, you order whatever your friend is having). In normal circumstances, you would never choose for them, and if a friend is running late, good friends would then text them the menu. Love is no exception. Let’s face it: the real reason people don’t shoot their shot is fear of rejection. Everyone would shoot if we were guaranteed success. But rejection should never be used to deny someone’s right to choose. If you’re reading this and have a specific person in mind, take your shot. I should say I hope you miss for the sake of this post, but I truly hope you make it. And if I’m the person you’re thinking of… tehehe… I’m waiting 🙂
Happy valentines day from Sir Jvmes x